I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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