True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
