It's Friday. Sex?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
