First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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