Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
