Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You work out of a Hotel?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
