This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
