i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
