I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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