What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
