Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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