evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
