In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
