I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
