No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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