It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize