hotel room ftw
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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