I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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