I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
