so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I want you more than these girls want KFC
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
