He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize