he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
