i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
