Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
