my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
