haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
