john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
