I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
