I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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