my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
this beer tastes like vomit already
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize