dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
