i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
