she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize