This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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