glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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