shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
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