Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
