last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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