it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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