Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
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