upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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