Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
