why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
