the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
