so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
do herpes really smell.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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