Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
