I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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