I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
