Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
