ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
