Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
