I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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