i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
