I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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