she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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