I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
