What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
