just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
