Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
