Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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