well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
