Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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