I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
