I am spending my child support on dildos
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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