In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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