Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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