haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
