so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
And then he peed in my hair
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