I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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