I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
